An Open Letter to a Novice Stalker

Life can get uncanny and unpredictable if one of your crush comes across as an academic fanatic on the first glance, though on the second she might come across as kinda cute. Seemingly an arrogant woman, she doesn’t consider anyone or for that matter you, worth a dime, or so you might think after reading this. The content, thus, included hereunder, is purely original and not imaginary or a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any character dead or alive is not co-incidental. The intention, however, is bonafide and to give the readers a hearty laugh and to the guilty, a moral education lesson.

Dear Mr. X

That you have been charmed by me, I am fully aware of. Yet what you seem to be unaware of is that I am not even an iota into you. When I first saw you, you seemed decent. My smile, however, wasn’t an invitation for us to be friends. Yet when you came hopping around for camaraderie, ‘assuming’ it to be harmless, I thought about giving it a shot. I tried being as normal with you, as with others, until you pushed the line a little too far.

There is a thick impermeable line between being good humored and being ‘chaep’ which, if is so conspicuous to even a six diopters optical prisoner, then why not you? For a carefully calculated reason I withheld my contact number from you. Yet, after a plethora of futile attempts you did manage to trick it out of me. This was still acceptable until I started receiving those incessant whatsapp pings and when I chose to ignore them as well, you inboxed me on facebook interrogating whether I had seen your whatsapp pic. One day you text me that you have deleted your whatsapp account, and mere two days later inquire if I have blocked you? Let me guess, Mr. Stalker with his superman prowess gets a notification each time someone blocks or unfriends him, right? I warned you, not just once, to maintain a respectable distance, hoping that you will oblige. I am, however, convinced that your sanity took better off you and has landed you in trouble.

Your social networking status shows that you do have a great deal of friends, a decent proportion of which would be of the fairer sex I’m sure. What then, drove you to such ludicrous limits, I fail to comprehend. I could have easily kept this a private affair and inboxed you this letter, but that would have meant inviting another pestering conversation and so I thought of guillotining the stalker in you, here in public.

I am sure you are aware of the momentum Women’s Movement in India is picking up. Let me reiterate it for you and for those who do not realize that demeanors like stalking leads to voyeurism and the graver offences which are prosecutable today.

You have been a great admirer of my literary skills, and so I sincerely hope this specimen of words would assist in your reformation and rehabilitation. You have been sport enough to have taken all my hostility in a good humour; I hope this letters gets welcomed likewise.

P.S. If a girl is interested in you, she will show interest herself. You don’t have to feed the software of interest in her system.

‘NOT’ Yours



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